When my sons were
growing up and being shuttled between athletic events and extracurricular
activities, we often refueled at their favorite fast food establishments.
On one occasion, feeling guilty about wolfing down two more double cheeseburgers
and fries, I reluctantly opted for a much healthier salad. Not nearly as
tasty, but better for you, right? Imagine my annoyance when Eat This, Not
That informed me that thanks to the dressing, croutons and assorted toppings, I
had actually consumed MORE calories and fat than my usual order!
As parents, are we
similarly misguided in our strategies for raising children? While
preparing a workshop series on Parenting, I reviewed the research of William
& Mary Professor Peter Vishton (PhD, Psychology and Cognitive Science,
Cornell). Some of his surprising findings and recommendations:
Rewarding a child for
being nice to others can be detrimental to social development. Altruism
is a basic human instinct - - sharing and helping is observable even in young
toddlers. Pairing this behavior with an external reward changes how they
think about it… doing so only when being rewarded is likely. Interestingly,
children that recently engaged in group singing were more likely to be helpful
in subsequent peer interactions.
Playing is important -
- onlooker play (around two) involves mainly observing. Parallel play
(around three, mirroring each other but little interaction) and associative
play (around four, involving the same activities or toys) set the stage for
cooperative play. This progresses to pretending (sociodramatic play)
which is important in developing executive function, creativity, and
self-control.
Math is commonly
regarded as the language of science - - the Queen of the Sciences - - yet a
source of anxiety and low self-esteem in children… and adults. Unlike
physical development - - a child who crawls two months before his peers enjoys
a temporary advantage that will likely dissipate by one year - - progress in
math is likely to persist. Children who are ahead in math in first and
second grade tend to maintain their advantage. Competence in math is
highly correlated with career success and average salary. Developing
‘number sense’ early enhances later progress. There is strong evidence
that playing board games (one experiment used Chutes and Ladders) or using a
hundreds board (Montessori) builds number skills. Around age 8-10,
developing an understanding of fractions had a significant impact on math
success. Using math workbooks and online guides that focus on fractions
is a wise parenting strategy. Learning a second language also enhances
math skills.
Learning a second
language increased general cognitive ability, reading comprehension and
creativity… even in preschoolers. Bilingual elementary students
demonstrated significantly larger working memory capacity - - significantly
correlated with academic achievement… especially in math. Because their
brains are more highly activated, increased neural development promotes brain
health and overall development, resulting in more creativity, better memory,
and more effective reading. Exposing your child to a second language as
early as possible is recommended, although grammatical rules and vocabulary - -
and often motivation - - are more easily grasped by older children.
Too often, children
entering adolescence tend to restrict their communication with parents. Teens
who talk with parents - - particularly regarding personal issues - - are more
successful in navigating adolescent pitfalls. The best parenting strategy
is to keep asking - - especially ‘is anything wrong?’ if a teen seems more
withdrawn - - even when they respond ‘Nothing; everything’s ok’ for a couple of
weeks. It’s also advisable to develop relationships with your teen’s
friends and welcome them into your home.
John Slywka is a
parent, marriage & family therapist, and former teacher at Dallas’ Townview
Magnet Center, and certified in Math, Health Science, AP Psychology, Social
Studies, and Gifted & Talented.
